Friday, February 20, 2009

Feed Them to Make Them Dependent

I was listening to the Medved show today. He found a poll that suggested a majority of Americans believe that it is the responsibility of the Federal Government to feed people. That's just stupid. It's certainly not in the Constitution. People have a responsibility to provide food for themselves and their families, they don't have a right to food. There can be charity for the truly disabled, but that's not what we are talking about.

The last thing in the world we SHOULD want is to be dependent on the government for our food. There is no more direct path to tyranny. Yet from foodstamps to regulations on transfats (to protect us from ourselves) that is right where we are headed. A free society is not necessarily a safe society. We all have the right to make our own bad decisions. This crap about my bad decision maybe indirectly impacting someone else at some point in the distant future is also a sure route to tyranny.

Yeah, but the dems want it that way. They have really hashed the educational system. But that builds their power base. It's funny, you have the liberal elite who believe they should run the country deliberately creating a dependent, ignorant underclass. It really is diabolical. So they do not teach the ideals of the founding fathers and the relationship between freedom, security, and tyranny.

The Hairy Urchins would certainly be ignorant of this threat if I did not take the time personally to talk about the founding fathers, and the wisdom of limited government. In fact writing this just evoked a lecture for The Hairy Urchins. Their comment? "Wow, that's really dark."

Excuse me, but I think I am going to go for a drive without my seat belt. Officer Pony Tail? Officer Chrome Dome? Look out, I am on the loose. Who knows, I might wipe myself out and cause your insurance rates to go up.


Sunday, February 15, 2009

The Press That Doesn’t Learn From (Its Own False) History

I am struck, although not terribly surprised, that the press is unwilling to learn from the history it synthesized.

Looking back on the run up to the war in Iraq, it was pretty clear that the US public really wasn’t entirely satisfied with the invasion of Afghanistan (where?) as a response to 9/11. Saddam was pretty clearly a very bad guy. He had lost a previous war, and was failing to live by the terms of the truce. He was not letting aid get through to his people, shooting at our airplanes, committing atrocities against the Kurds, funding terrorism, giving safe haven to terrorists, and by all appearances working on more weapons of mass destruction.

So Bush made his case for going to war, rather weakly I thought, and most people thought it was OK to go kick Saddam’s tail. Which he did very effectively. There were those in the press who objected to the war, but they were the ones who objected to anything involved with the military or the Republican Party. And no investigation could have found anything other than what Bush had told us. The press actually did its job reasonably well.

It was pretty funny, though. If you watched the war on CNN, it looked like the US Army was going to lose. We were over extending our supply lines, facing an army that was more competent than we thought, shouldn’t have invaded when we were denied access through Turkey, and about to be gassed any minute by Saddam. If you watched the war on Fox, we were brilliantly leapfrogging across the country and crushing the evil tyrant, with crowds of children throwing rose petals in front of the treads of our tanks. Neither was entirely correct.

But when the WMD’s didn’t show up, and the war bogged down with an insurrection, it was the chance for which the lefty/progressives had been waiting. Time to go after the evil, war monger, military industrial complex controlled, Jesus freak, Republicans. Texas Republicans at that. This was their moment to re-write history. The only reason we went to war was because they, the noble and normally diligent press, had let down the American people. If the press had just done its job, and uncovered the obvious Republican lies, then the evil war could have been stopped. The press must NEVER let down its guard again.

OK, so I think that this re-writing of history was particularly inaccurate, but most of the mainstream press seems to at least espouse this theory. So if it is vitally important that the press really, really, really check out presidential initiatives, how have they done lately? Have they been following their own advice?

Amusingly, no.

There has never been a less thorough vetting of a serious presidential candidate, than the one Barack Obama received. Even parts of the press have come to admit that. The Ombudsperson at the Washington Post recently gave the Washington Post a failing grade for objectivity and thorough investigations of Obama. Joe the Plumber and Sarah Palin both had more “investigative journalists” diving through their dumpsters looking for dirt, than Barack Obama. While Obama was occasionally asked about Jeremiah Wright, not once can I recall his ever being asked about the beliefs of his church, Black Liberation Theology. It’s not just a question of whether he believed what one priest said, he should have been asked if he believed in the basic principles of his church, and what they meant to him.

Now it looks like we dodged a bullet on that one. He pretty much stopped going to church as soon as he got elected, and may not have any sincere beliefs in the church he attended in Chicago. We can but hope. On this score I would MUCH rather have him be a lowlife, pandering politician, going to a church he doesn’t care about to get votes, than a true believer in Black Liberation Theology. Doesn’t say much about his character, but still, an improvement.

There are another dozen examples of subjects that were under investigated in the Obama campaign.

Now we have the Porkapalooza “stimulus” package. Yet again, there has been no meaningful investigation of what is even IN the bill, let alone the impact it will really have on the economy, or the entirely partisan way in which it was passed.

I hope the economy gets better. My personal life and job are negatively impacted by the economic downturn. I am not rooting for the economy to tank, for a political advantage to conservative/libertarian goals. But I don’t’ think the stimulus is going to help. It’s going to make things worse, and could easily lead to a big fat hairy wave of inflation. Maybe even stagflation.

That leads me to wonder if the press will be introspective again. If they will realize that they have repeated the errors of their past. That they have again failed to investigate the biggest stories of the past year. And that it is their fault that harm has befallen our country.

Probably not.

So for Bush, they falsely claim that they didn’t investigate thoroughly, and will never fail to investigate again. For Obama they will not notice that they actually failed in their responsibilities, and that they did bring the nation to harm.

A bitter irony.


Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Saga of Officer Pony Tail

Sometimes life gets a little complex. First, the background. The Hairy Mrs. and I drive older autos. We live in Washington State, where cars have to have emissions inspections every two years. For the past several years the business that I manage has had rough times, largely due to increased Federal regulation. It has taken all of my energy to keep that going, and sometimes my personal life has had to slide a bit. One of my jobs, as the man in the family, has been to take care of the autos. A couple of years ago, the Hairy Mrs.’ auto flunked its emission test.

That means that we, and by we I mean I, had to take it in to the shop, figure out what was wrong, pay to have it fixed, take the vehicle back to be inspected again, and then take the new test results to the license plate station, to get new tabs. There were other, more pressing issues. I told The Hairy Mrs. to avoid cops until I could get around to it.

About a year later, it was my car’s turn to be emissions tested. I didn’t think that I should take care of my car before I took care of The Hairy Mrs.’ car. So I started avoiding cops too. I didn’t do as good of a job as she did. I got pulled over by Officer Chrome Dome, and was given a ticket for expired plates. I didn’t bother to tell The Hairy Mrs., figuring I would just take care of all of it at once. Plus if you get new plates, you don’t have to pay a big fine for the expired plates ticket.

Things got busy.

I didn’t get the emissions test. I didn’t get the new tabs. I didn’t pay the ticket. I didn’t make it to the court date. I figured my license had been suspended and a warrant had been issued for my arrest. So I REALLY started avoiding cops. And I didn’t tell The Hairy Mrs. For a year. Once you get past a week or two you get kind of a false sense of security.

One day The Hairy Mrs. was on the way to pick up The Hairy Urchins. She called the oldest Urchin and cryptically said that The Hairy Urchin should call The Hairy Buddah, and say that a substitute pickup was needed. No explanation of why, no call to The Hairy Buddah.

So The Hairy Urchins were deposited at The Hairy Home, and The Hairy Buddah went in search of The Hairy Mrs. (I know, that’s a lot of hair).

Turns out The Hairy Mrs. had been pulled over by the dreaded Office Pony Tail. Officer Pony Tail was fresh out of the police academy. She stood about 5 feet nothing, had a sweet, heart shaped face, and looked a little lost in the uniform, bullet proof vest, and Utility Belt with gun, tazer, mace, handcuffs, ticket writing book, and other sundry implements of law enforcement. And she had caught her first major criminal, The Hairy Mrs. As it happens, having tabs that expired more than 2 years previously is a misdemeanor in Washington State. So Officer Pony Tail had to call her supervisor, none other than Officer Chrome Dome. It took over 30 minutes for Office Chrome Dome to arrive. During that time The Hairy Mrs. was experiencing a wide range of emotions – anxiety, fear, confusion, irritation, impatience, and anger. A lot of anger. At least I had made sure that she had her mandatory insurance card with her.

Now I had a HARD deadline. Everything had to be FIXED before The Hairy Mrs. was due in court. It seemed likely that the prosecutor would be somewhat assuaged if The Hairy Mrs. Mobile passed its emissions test, and had current plates.

I decide to take care of my car first, so that I could (more) safely drive around taking care of her car. On my way to the Vehicle Emissions Testing Station, I passed two cars that had been pulled over for some infraction or other. I figured this was my lucky day, as others were clearing the way for me, sacrificing themselves and distracting the long arm of the law. To my amazement, my 20 year old Detroit POS had clean and minty fresh breath. I could now get fresh tabs for my plates, and be less likely to avoid the attention of John Law. At the Emissions Testing Station I learned that the two year old test on The Hairy Mrs.’ vehicle had also expired, and it had to be tested again.

Then I got creative. I took my car to where The Hairy Mrs. car was parked. I was going to pick up the new tabs for my car while driving hers. I wanted her engine to warm up so that it might have a better chance of passing the Emissions test. Now this was just stupid. There was no way her car was going to pass the test. The Check Engine light had been on for the last 2 years. That is an automatic fail. The less time I spent in that car, the better. But I was in her car, on my way to the License Plate station.

It turned out this was not my lucky day after all. Who would I encounter at a stop sign, but OFFICER PONY TAIL! She IMMEDIATELY recognized The Hairy Mrs.Mobile. It has a very distinctive shape (it’s an old cop car), and amusing personalized plates. I could SEE the License Plate station in front of me. I could SEE Officer Pony Tail turning around behind me. I ZOOMED into the License Plate station, popped out of the car (if you can consider “popping” something that can be accomplished with wheezing, grunting, and groaning), and headed for the door.

Officer Pony Tail popped out of her car (no considerations needed), and accosted me in the parking lot. She looked at me, looked at The Hairy Mrs.’ long expired plates, looked at the door of the License Plate Station, and decided not to decide. She needed to call fo back up. To stall for time she told me that I couldn’t be driving that thing. I agreed, and said that I was there to FIX it.

Now I am sweating bullets (oddly appropriate given the circumstances). I had an expired drivers license and likely a warrant out for my arrest, for failure to appear. For expired tabs on The Hairy Buddahmobile. She let me go in to the License Plate station, and called for backup. Officer Chrome Dome.

There is quite a line of people waiting for their plates. They all look out the door. Two cop cars blocking in their vehicles. “What is going on?” they ask. “Oh, that’s just me” I sheepishly admitted. My plates are expired, and they are probably deciding what to do with me. I get the “you poor man, glad it’s not me” look.

At this point I realize that I don’t have the paperwork I need for plates for her car. I was just planning to get the plates for my car, and then go get her car emissions tested. Her paperwork was on the front seat of my car. I was just a few blocks from my office, so I called a co-worker, and asked him to quickly bring the papers. It was entirely possible that Officer Pony Tail and Officer Chrome Dome might come to the conclusion that I had ducked into the License Plate station to simply avoid Officer Pony Tail, and that I BETTER have the needed paperwork pretty quickly.

I told my co-worker where I kept my emergency car keys in my desk, but forgot to tell him to drive his own car over. (You wouldn’t think that someone sufficiently organized to keep emergency keys in his desk would get into this kind of fix in the first place, but there you go.) My car still had expired tabs. Fortunately he came in his car and gave me the papers before anything else happened.

Then Officer Pony Tail, after consulting with Officer Chrome Dome, heads for the door. Now I am expecting to have to give my (expired) drivers license, have it run, have the warrant discovered, and be drug away in cuffs, in front of everybody in the building. No, she just wants to inform me that she is NOT going to give me a ticket, but IS taking the plates off of the car. FINE with me!

Wouldn’t you know it, but neither Officer Pony Tail, nor Officer Chrome Dome, had a screwdriver. It took them about 20 minutes to get the plates off with a pocket knife. I didn’t think it wise to offer them the screwdriver from the emergency kit that I placed in The Hairy Mrs.’ car some years ago. (Again with that organizational conundrum.)

Now some of the other citizens trapped in the License Plate station are getting a little anxious. Officer Chrome Dome has been spending a lot of time on his radio while Officer Pony Tail has been working on The Hairy Mrs.’ car. A black gentleman in a 3 piece suit said “Are they running plates, out there? They better not be running plates out there. This is the License Plate station.” Perhaps I was not the only person in the building who was avoiding the Constabulary.

Finally Officer Pony Tail completed her task, re-entered the building, handed me the screws that had been holding in the plates, and left with her trophies in hand. It was my turn in line.

Then came one of the most amazing twists of fate. Because the plates had been expired for more than 2 years, it was as though the vehicle were being registered for the first time. It was not the year that vehicle was required to get emissions inspected. I was given new plates without having to pay for back plates, or have an emissions inspection. I KNEW that car could not pass, that it was and is pumping toxic fumes into the atmosphere (my apologies to the Goracle and Mother Gaia), but I had new plates. For both vehicles.

So I took the screwdriver out of the emergency kit, put the new plates on The Hairy Mrs.’ car, drove to my car, put the new sticker tabs on my car, and was finally safe from the attentions of Officer Pony Tail and Officer Chrome Dome.

Now to deal with the courts.

Have I mentioned that The Hairy Mrs. experienced some anger? Only a tiny portion of it was directed toward Officer Pony Tail and Officer Chrome Dome (they didn’t actually deserve any anger, but that is the nature of The Hairy Mrs.). I was clearly expected to visit the court, deal with the prosecutor, show the paperwork, make the explanations, and to take care of The Hairy Mrs. misdemeanor ticket before dealing with my problems, and (hopefully for her) dragged off in chains to experience my just desserts. (mmmmmm dessert).

But first we had to attend a previously scheduled party of our friends. One of whom is a retired County Mountie. A former officer of law enforcement. As the entire saga of Officer Pony Tail was told, the room filled with howls of laughter. At my expense. Deservedly so. None laughed harder than our own County Mountie. As a group they decided that they were going to take off work, and appear in court to act as character witnesses at our hearing. The Hairy Mrs. Was Not Amused. It would have been unlikely that their statements would have been of significant assistance. The phrase “life in prison without possibility of parole” came to mind, after their offer of “assistance”.

The day of court was a stunning anti-climax. They had dismissed both of our cases. Just too minor to deal with. Apparently Officer Pony Tail and Officer Chrome Dome are only called in to court for serious moving violations, or for people who don’t have insurance.

If you simply ignore an expired tabs ticket, it just magically goes away.

No warrant had ever been issued for my arrest. A quick check online showed that my drivers license had automatically been taken off suspension.

Leaving us secure in the knowledge that we would never, ever, ever, ever let this happen again. And by we The Hairy Mrs. meant I.

Two weeks later our friend the County Mountie was pulled over by Officer Pony Tail for expired tabs.


What Do You Believe?

In a continuation of the discussion with a friend who is an Obama supporter, I pointed out some porky and inappropriate spending in the Porkapalooza "stimulus" bill. And he said the most amazing thing:

"You've got to think that for every bad item listed, there are probably nine that make sense. I can't prove that, it's a hunch."

And this from a friend who claims to be a believer in the philosophies of Robert Heinlein (RAH, the person whom I most admire). Heinlein's writings supported a belief in self reliance and personal responsibility, coupled with a distrust of government. He also had some interesting thoughts on the roles of men and women, but more about that later.

Anyway, my friend then said something with which I agree - "I worry, though, when people start talking about "adding safeguards" to make sure money is spent "appropriately." It usually involves forcing a belief system on someone else. Of course, the alternative is that they spend the money on new fleet cars. But when federal money has all kinds of strings attached to public schools, for example, administrators and teachers have to jump through hoops to keep what little money they're entitled to. Bureaucracy just sucks. I think everybody agrees on that, unless they have a government job, and even then..."

Great, buddy! You are on the right track! But you support Obama? He wanted to avoid a political discussion and said - "I think it's hard whenever there are people who seem to be intelligent who reach different conclusions with the same data. Makes people argue more vigorously because they can't seem to understand why the other person didn't already think this already."

To which I said:

I agree that smart people can come to opposite political views. It doesn't make them more or less smart. People of good conscience can disagree. I do find SUBSTANTIALLY less tolerance on the liberal/progressive side of the equation, hence Bush Derangement Syndrome.

I can tell you are smart by the quality of your posts. What I have trouble with is your internal inconsistency. You claim to be a believer in RAH's philosophy, but you voted for an out and out socialist. This isn't a theory any more based on BO's voting record and political past, it is an easy to draw concludion from the "stimulus" porkapalooza. I think it was pretty clear in the election that McCain favored smaller government that BO, so I find it intellectually inconsistent that an RAH believer could support Obama.

Look at what you just said: "You've got to think that for every bad item listed, there are probably nine that make sense."

Why on earth would you possibly think that? Even if something in Porkapalooza was a good idea, it is vastly unlikely that it would be a good thing for the FedGov to do. 9 out of 10 ideas in that sense are going to be BAD. Yet I bet you have said that you support Porkapalooza.

And yet you say that bureaucracy sucks. You can't be tolerant of socialism and be a supporter of BO and think that. Because he will massively increase bureaucracy at the expense of freedom. That is how bigger government works. They say that they are protecting you, but you must give up freedom to obtain that protection.

I believe that our current society is too "safe" and insufficiently free.

I bet you do to.

But somewhere along the line you drank the Kool Aid.

OK, I will leave you alone. You have said a couple of times that you don't want to engage on political stuff, and I will respect that. But I think you need to re-examine what you believe. I don't think you are supporting politicians and causes that are reflective of what you say you believe. So you either need to recognize that your beliefs have changed or change the politicians and causes you are supporting. Cuz you head and your heat are fighting with each other.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Bush Derangement Syndrome and Stem Cells

In a recent correspondence with a new friend, he suggested that W was a bad president for banning stem cell research. I found this misrepresentation of the president's position deplorable, so I responded -

OMG. You didn't say stem cells. Tell me you didn't say stem cells. At this moment you remind me of an unfortunate character in a WB cartoon who has stumbled into a mass of rakes. With each step you take to get away from one, you step on another to have it smack you in the face.

W did not stop stem cell research. I bet you think he did. He did not stop embryonic stem cell research. Surely, you say, he must have done that! Nope. Guess again. You have fallen victim to Bush Derangement Syndrome. So help me, I am going to take away your access to the Heinlein wing at the local library.

Here is what he actually did. He put NO restrictions of any kind on private research. He said that there would be no FEDERAL FUNDING for EMBRYONIC stem cell research involving NEW LINES of stem cells. There were already a couple of dozen lines of embryonic stem cells upon which experiments were already being done, and those WERE eligible for federal funding. Research using adult stem cells, and I think cord blood stem cells was eligible for federal funds.

Bush said that he didn't want federal money used to encourage abortions. That taking stem cells from aborted fetuses would encourage abortion, as it would give inappropriate value to the fetus, and make abortion clinics more likely to encourage women to abort, so that they could sell the fetuses.

OK, I think his reasoning is a bunch of crap. I think that a first trimester abortion is not killing a baby in any meaningful sense. But I DO think that is an arguable position that a fetus is a baby at some point, and at some point acquires some rights. A "fetus" that is going to come out on its own in less than a week is more than just a piece of the mom's body. People of good conscience can disagree about when a child begins developing rights, and to what extent. W was going further than I would, but calling a fetus a baby is not entirely irrational, or a myth based superstition. It is a reasonable opinion, with which I disagree during the first trimester, but entirely agree during the third trimester.

Now we get to the federal funds question. We aren't taking about blue sky theoretical research here. That is the ONLY kind of research that I think should be getting federal funds. Big Pharma is going to make plenty of money from stem cell treatments, and they know it. Eli Lily and Pfizer are going to do stem cell research on their own. MS, Parkinsons, AIDS, Diabetes, and a host of other private charities are going to pump big bucks into University research studies. Stem cell research will be more than adequately funded without my tax dollars. Including Embryonic stem cell research.

Dude, you drank from the coolaid. You been runnin with the wrong crowd.


Thursday, February 5, 2009

Apple Box Art

Shamelessly stealing from another blog I read, apparently there is a museum around here for Apple Box Art. For those readers from out of town, Washington State is world renowned for its apples. There are many competing farms and businesses that competed to sell their apples. One way of competing is packaging. Years ago apples were sold in wooden boxes. Growers would put distinctive labels on their boxes. Some of this commercial art is amazing.

A local car wash/gas station owner has created a small museum for this art in Kirkland, WA. If you are looking for something cool, local, and offbeat (particularly if you need a wash or a fill), then the Rose Hill Car Wash is worth a visit.

The Rose Hill Car Wash

Here is a video of some of this classic art. Note the related videos as well.

Apple Box Art Youtube Video

This is also a great school project, particularly for middle and high school students. It has it all, commerce, history, regional interest, art, and even collecting.


Sunday, February 1, 2009

Starting an online humanist church.

An acquaintance on another board asked for suggestions for starting an online church. This produced Hairy Thinking.

I've been thinking about the internet church concept. I've played around with a couple that are out there, and haven't seen anything that worked for me.

There are so many sides to this. What do you want the physical setup to be? Will it be static web pages? Will it be a 3d avatar church in second life or golively? Maybe something with an active chat room, or even webcam rooms. If you wrote it down, you probably have some idea of what you want.

My initial inclination would be to go with a formula that works for traditional services. At least once a week, but at a regularly scheduled time, have an online meeting place of some kind. A camfrog room might work, if you wanted to have a video component but still keep it free. But each week have a structured service.

In the church of my youth, the pastor would begin with an invocation and a prayer. So you have a bunch of people in the chat room, and you tell them all to shut up, and look at the pastor's video window. You can watch the pastor preach, you can type comments, but he is the only one speaking.

You have probably seen my thoughts on prayer. I think humanism needs it. "We pray that our leaders find the strength, guidance, and wisdom to lead us in peace and prosperity."

Maybe a hymn/song. The pastor runs a youtube video of something that is appropriate for the day. Preferably something with karaoke style lyrics, so people can sing along. Each in his own key, of course.

Then a reading of a Humanism Creed. The creed gets read every service. I haven't seen one that I like yet. But we need one. Maybe select someone at random in the room to read the creed. That could be a treat.

Then the lesson. This could be a reading from a contemporary or historical humanist thinker. This is where we teach the congregation the history and application of humanism.

Time for another song.

Now, the sermon. This is the pastor giving his personal opinion on an ethical question, and telling the flock how to lead their lives.

Communion. I have no idea what to do with this. Let's see. In church it was praying for Jehova to come sanctify a light snack. I don't know. Maybe a group wave of positive thinking to psychically heal some sick person? Maybe everybody reflecting on becoming better people, and finding ways to improve the world. I dunno, that all sounds weak.

Final song, then the chat room just opens up for general socializing.

But a church needs more than that. It needs to actively work to improve the community. That means tithing, charitable works, volunteers, and actually DOING something as a church. Sponsor an orphanage, build a house, rehabilitate a drunk. Something.

People have responsibilities to their church. If they aren't supporting it, then they aren't serious about it.

Something needs to be done for the kids. If this were a brick and mortar church it would have the equivalent of sunday school. Teach the kids about famous humanists, humanist ideas, ethical behavior. Maybe take folk and religious tales from all faiths and cultures, and tales of personal sacrifice and bravery. I don't know how to do that online. But if you are going to get people to come every week, and to support the church, then it MUST be family friendly. It's all about the next generation.

I really think that there are a lot of parents out there who go to church for their kids. If we could give them the lessons for their kids without the fat, er . . god . ., then we could get a lot of followers. Particularly in more secular areas.

All of the lessons and sermons need to be available online. Maybe the entire service, but that might be tougher.

One of the greatest inventions of religion is the Catholics confessional. It is THERAPY. Find a way to do THAT, and they will come in droves. You don't have to give hail marys as pennance. Give them emotional work to do, and community service to make up for confessed misdeeds.

Churches do stuff this way because it WORKS. Too often I see humanists wanting to throw out the structure and effective parts of religion because they are so angry about the whole god business, and the negative things that some churches do. It's a lot like Bush Derangement Syndrome. Everything Bush did was wrong, everything is his fault, anything good that happened happened despite him. That's nonsensical. Every president does a mix of good and bad. Likewise, everything about religion is not bad. The structure, the ritual, the traditions of the basic church service WORK. They did the social research and refinement for us, lets use it.

On the subject of politics, the church should be apolitical. Don't piss off half of the potential constituency by going left or right wing. This is about personal behavior and community service, not about who is in the white house, or whether we should all join a protest march somewhere. Wearing politics on a sleeve is a giant turnoff from someone who is also wearing religion on the other sleeve. It suggests the arrogance of God is On My Side, and if you don't Vote Like Me, you are a Bad Person, who will Go To Hell or have Bad Karma.

Huh. That kind of got me wound up, didn't it.

It is OK to put your hands over your eyes and run away screaming now.